Anything But Country

thoughtful... like a pansy

2008-06-05T17:23:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend. Thoughtful, not just when it matters, but all the time.

So committed to making cohabitation work that he's willing to dump the contents of his who-knows-how-many-years-old souvenir beer bottles. I'll drink to that [with homemade white sangria]!

So far, life post-graduation is pretty darned great. No job to worry about for another month, and my biggest concern these days is which hotel to book in Athens. That and making copies of the mailbox key and STM's car key, and what time the cable guy is going to show up - if he's going to show up, and selling the remainder of my shit on eBay, and ridding the stuff I DO want to keep of Austintatious ants, and catching up on Top Chef....

So yeah, life these days is uncomplicated and relatively stress free. Easy, even. Who knew living with the love of your life could be so fantastic?

i have seen my past, and it's pretty freaking embarassing

2008-04-11T19:24:00.000-07:00

A week ago, I accidentally discovered through Facebook that A is engaged. Which is just plain annoying. Not entirely shocking, but somewhat unsettling. Regardless, I did not expect to ever have to deal with it because, well, I haven't seen A since we broke up and honestly I had planned to make it right up to graduation and into STM's cozy abode without having to see him. It would just be easier that way.

Little did I know that A's now-fiancee is the latest prospective student at McCombs - an unknown fact right up until the moment I saw her smiling face sitting in my Small Business Finance class as part of the Preview Weekend tour of campus. I consider myself to be pretty level-headed, but having to sit through an entire 75 minutes of class and pretend that she wasn't flashing her new jewelry from across the room intentionally was just about enough to make me want to grab the first banana peel I could find and trip her ass on the way out. I have no excuse for feeling this way other than I resent her mere presence in what had been up until that point MY SCHOOL.

Ahem.

From that point forward I realized that any Preview Weekend activities that I planned on attending would probably result in a confrontation with A, as he attended all my Preview Weekend events when I was in her shoes, why shouldn't he do it again?

And I was right. And it was awkward. Not 3 minutes after arriving last night on the rooftop patio of Six, I had to endure the shortest, most painful conversation of my life:

"Hi, I saw you over here and thought I'd say hello."
"Hi."
"Yeah so... M is going to be going to school here next fall."
"So I gathered - I saw her in my class today."
"Yeah she said she saw you too."
"So.... I heard the news - congratulations."
"Thanks!! It's very stressful."
"Stressful? How?"
"Well, M's a planner, so she gets stressed and then I get stressed."
"Huh."
"OK, well good seeing you, bye."
"Bye."

It was just like ripping off a Band-Aid. Made better by the fact that A has gotten fatter than ever and I'm happily dating the most amazing (and hottest) man I have ever met. So no, I don't care, I just would have preferred avoiding the whole thing altogether. Apparently I don't possess a maturity level adequate for handling such an encounter. I'm OK with that.

a la sogracious...

2008-03-25T17:07:00.000-07:00

Plans are in motion. Resumes mailed out, career fairs to attend, jetlag from which to recover, projects to complete - er, begin, class participation points to earn, case interviews to prepare...

And then of course there's the annual Beer Olympics, need we remember the events of last year? And the McCombs formal, and Disorientation week, and then back to the job search, and how in the world will I decide what comes with me after graduation?

You would think that entering into another cohabitation environment would be more nerve-wracking, but this time there are no "ifs" at all, not even the tiny ones.

I know what I want, and it is waiting for me in Houston.

Still. Sick.

2008-02-26T21:28:00.000-08:00

I've been coughing since mid-November.

I think I have SARS.

p.s.

2008-02-18T21:03:00.000-08:00

Has it really been 3 months since my last post? What a wild ride it's been! Will try to do better, but this last semester promises nothing short of insanity...

15 minutes of (other people's) fame

2008-02-18T20:13:00.001-08:00

Over the weekend I spent a day with Warren Buffett and dined with Will Ferrell and Lance Armstrong. Sadly, I only have 1 good picture to show for it.

I = Baller.

For those of you keeping score, yes, I am in b-school, and yes, it is all play.

15 reasons to feel like the luckiest girl in Shanghai

2007-10-29T19:41:00.000-07:00

muddy buddies
Milk Duds
Orbitz Sweet Mint gum (2)
gummy bears
peach O's
antibacterial hand lotion (Midnight Pomegranate & Sensual Amber)
dental floss
Earl Grey tea
corn Chex
Whole Foods chocolate cherry crunch trail mix
Ouchless hair elastics
kettle cooked chips
sexy underwear
sickeningly sweet card
most thoughtful boyfriend imaginable

yin & yang

2007-10-24T02:07:00.000-07:00

It has been 2 months and 2 days since my arrival in Shanghai. During that time I have toured the city many times over, visiting sites seen over a decade ago, eating street foods that should by all rights not be sitting as well with me as they have been, and bargaining so hard I've got shopkeepers still running to catch me so they can make that last sale. I've traveled to Chengdu, Zhouzhuang, Hangzhou, Nanjing, Kuala Lumpur and Sabah - sometimes alone, other times not. I've met some of the coolest people imaginable. I've been to some of the "dopest" bars and clubs in town. I've experienced the most romantic and relaxing week of my life.

I've learned that, when it comes to academics, the locals have all the brains and conceptual knowledge and the foreign students have all the communication skills and ability to draw conclusions. It seems there is always a shortcut to getting the work done, and scheduling a group meeting that might conflict with any mealtime is considered a grave offense. I know now that there really is only so much you can fit into a 3-week-long course, and it isn't much. Despite this fact, finals worth 60-70% of the total grade are no laughing matter. I am continually frustrated by the fact that my school is the only one among all the exchange programs represented here that insists on transferring not only credits, but grades.

Today I saw a taxi driver peeing on the outer wall of the school. I was passed by a man on a bike wearing house slippers. I saw a baby wearing "poopy-pants" - pants with a strategically-placed, very revealing slit to facilitate what we in b-school term "ease of doing business." As I pedaled home into the sunset I breathed in deep lungfuls of air that smelled like burning dirt.

This morning I began feeling increasingly frustrated about a long-distance relationship that in some very slight ways reminds me of the last one I was in. Again, with the pushing, and I don't know how to stop. I am So In Love With This Man, which is why I experience waves of incredible sadness when I find myself directing my irritation his way*. It was inevitable, with the staggering number of Skype minutes that have been logged, that the bar would be set too high and parties would ultimately be disappointed. So expectations will be recalibrated and life will go on - still, it's disappointing - or, depending on your point of view, reassuring? - to find that no relationship is exempt from the occasional bumpiness.

I have 2 more months in this country. While I'm absolutely looking forward to experiencing whatever they may bring, at the end of the day it will be nice to come home.

* In that sense, this relationship is very much UNlike any other relationship I've been in!!

run for cover - Wipha attacks!

2007-09-18T00:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Kind Students at CEIBS Who Just Braved Gale Force Winds To Attend Asinine Team Meeting On Campus,

It’s informed by the Government that a strong typhoon will attack Shanghai from this evening to tomorrow. Please take care of yourself. Thank you very much for your kind attention.

Best Regards,
CEIBS Administration

Um.... ya think? http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2007-09/18/content_6115588.htm

Hello from Shanghai!

2007-09-12T09:47:00.001-07:00

...er...

Okay, I lied. I admit it! Your hello is from far less exotic New York City. H chose to study in a strange, faraway land that doesn't allow its citizens to access Blogspot, and now for the next several months she's bestowed me upon you instead. So here I am: so gracious!, guest blogger extraordinaire, at your bloggity service.

Clearly I cannot even hope to match H's unparalleled wit and charm, but with all the time I am spending NOT being a member of facebook, I will entertain in my best imitation of H-style, whilst she eats dumplings and has WAY too much vacation for her own good.

Happy reading, y'all!

and now for something completely different...

2007-08-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

Before I commence the next adventure, Getting My MBA: Shanghai Edition, I thought it might be most appropriate to blog one last time. In case, you know, I lose touch for the next four months.

This has been perhaps the shortest summer I have ever known. With a full-time internship, visits w/ STM on weekends and a Moroccan adventure, I have had barely enough time for myself. Strangely, this has not been a burden, but rather a welcome change of pace. Perhaps it's the new MBA mentality, but it seems that the busier I am, the more content I become. Something about living life to its fullest?

The internship ended with a whimper. My team didn't place in the company-wide case competition, a veritable upset if ever there was one. The projects I had been working on remain as works in progress (WIP), and it is unknown if one of them will ever get off the ground. Fresh back in the States, I somehow found myself giving a very brief and jet-lagged presentation to VPs from across the company on "What I Did This Summer." Despite whatever I might have perceived as foibles of the experience, however, I received this past Friday an offer to continue full time following my graduation. The only problem? No Houston office.

Which brings me to STM. We're still great and completely head over heels... So much so that we are now entering a new phase in our relationship... in which he becomes the newest fan of Anything But Country. Welcome!

Morocco was incredible - perhaps the most unique and eye opening country to which I have traveled thus far. I have plenty of pictures for those interested, but for now I leave you with one of my favorite photos from the entire experience.

food fest

2007-07-09T19:37:00.000-07:00

I ate my way through July 4th. And the next 4 days. Because I feel too disgusted with myself to put into words the horror that I have inflicted upon my body, I leave you with a brief photo essay of my extended weekend.

funk

2007-06-27T20:22:00.001-07:00

This weather is really starting to get me down. Work has been work - interesting and increasingly busy. I haven't spent as much time with the other interns as I should, because after a day of sitting inside and knowing that home is a mere 5 minute commute, all I want to do is not talk about work. Or schmooze. But I'm not going home just to sit on my ass, mind you. In my spare time, in between moments of undisciplined procrastinating on trashy news websites or Facebook, I have been slowly working on a paper that should have been done May 9. Yes, I am quite aware it is June 27. I have been spending the vast majority of weekend time with STM. I adore having him back, but I find myself becoming quite crabby as of late. Again - must be the weather. Most of it is due to the fact that so many people demand his time, and he is often too nice to say no. Recently I have started to wonder if this will continue to be the case, even as/after we merge lives. Aside from all that, I have a trip to Morocco to prepare for, a case competition presentation to build, a semester abroad to start thinking about... I will be missing out on 2 amazing weddings this summer due to various conflicts. I eat like crap, and then I feel like crap, and then the thought of eating more crap makes me feel queasy so I skip meals, and then when I eat again it's more crap. I can't work out because I am too cheap to buy a gym membership when I know it will go unused, and it's too damned rainy to run outside. Where is that scorching Texas sun when you need it?

easy street... kind of

2007-05-24T17:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I returned from the most highly anticipated, incredibly amazing reunion of my life.

When I finally saw STM's smiling face as he walked towards me from the terminal, I knew that things hadn't changed. And they just got better from there.

This past weekend was filled with many firsts. First time to meet the parents. To meet the bro. To meet the whole damned extended family, actually. To have dim sum in Houston. To see my boyfriend become a doctor.

Every day I am more deeply enamored. With him, there is a connection that I have never felt before. If it didn't feel so natural, the fact that he can read my thoughts after 7 months of long distance would be downright creepy.

Life together is unimaginably easy. We just need to get through next year's hurdles before we can truly enjoy it.

the final push

2007-05-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

I've become the girlfriend I never wanted to be, and I hate myself for it. I go through irrational mood swings, I need constant affirmation and I say things I don't mean in order to bait him into saying what I want to hear.

I'm pushing. I know I'm pushing, and yet the more I see it, the more of a problem it becomes.

drunk drunk srunk

2007-04-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

This weekend, which should have been spent studying for my Entrepreneurial Law final, was instead spent marinating my liver.

On Thursday night I celebrated the last Doggett class of my career. Of course, in the spring I will likely have the option to take another joyous class with him, but... Never Again, No Way, No How. So back to Thursday. Seeing as last weekend's Thursday involved me and an altercation with my friend Patrón, I decided to stick to beer. This decision was also in anticipation of Friday's annual Beer Olympics. So really, I was doing myself a favor by pregaming.

My state the next morning was worse than the one in which Patrón left me the week prior. (Irrelevant!) I quickly put my game face on and headed to Beer Olympics.

Me +
case chug w/ 9 teammates +
tricycle race +
dizzy bat +
egg race +
flip cup tournament +
straw chug +
waterfall +
[insert drinking games that I was too sloshed to remember playing here] +
3 boot-and-rallies
=
a good time had by all + NO HANGOVER!!

From there, I did not go home to take a cold shower. Nay, I headed straight to the last Wine Club event of the year, an evening to top all evenings, complete with epicurean delights and all the wine I could handle. Have I mentioned how great b-school is?

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

OW

2007-04-25T16:16:00.001-07:00

Holy Mother of God, I am never exercising again.

I recently took up running, with encouragement from T. And to make it known just how serious I was, I turned in my 6 year old running shoes and bought fancy new ones. I mean, PEOPLE - I had a running specialist look at my stride, just to make sure I was making a worthwhile investment!

Since then, I have been running 3-4 times a week. I still hate it, but overall I do actually feel better for tormenting myself. Which is why, when I suspected I was getting shin splints from too much running, I got really annoyed. But I decided to hold off on the running thing for a while.

Fast forward to today. 80 degrees, not a cloud in the sky.

No matter, I said. A, henceforth to be known as X, had finally mailed me the last of my belongings, including a pair of rollerblades. Instead of letting my aching shins get the best of me, I decided to partake of some good old fashioned low-impact exercise - and perhaps even get a semblance of a tan.

Now, I would normally refrain from putting any degree of nudity on this site, but the debacle that ensued is too good to keep to myself:

Seriously, the exercise gods must have something against me.

only in Austin

2007-04-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

Received in my school inbox today:

If you or someone you know touched a bat near the south end of Bellmont (off of San Jacinto St., across from the Alumni Center) on Monday, April 23, 2007, Environmental Health & Safety needs to talk to you. Please call Environmental Health & Safety, 471-5776 / 471-3511 or call the City of Austin Health and Human Services Department, 512-972-5590, and report that you touched a bat. Thank You.

take me out to the Tavern

2007-04-22T21:03:00.000-07:00

Few things make me miss Boston more than when watching a Red Sox game, let alone one as fantastic as tonight's game - arguably a sweep to rival the Reverse Sweep of 2004. OK, maybe not quite.

I received an elated call from the bro who asked if I was watching as I heard Varitek claim the 4th straight homer in the background. Terrible fan that I am, I not only did not remember the Sox were playing the Yankees, but I don't even have cable. Or a subscription to MLB.com. Having met no Sox fan neighbors or nearby pals who would be remotely interested or available, I did what any self-respecting member of the Red Sox Nation would do.

I went to a sports bar by myself.

Well, not by myself exactly. I had my text messaging friends:

"what's with the pitchers' necklaces?"
"it's pimpstyle"
"matsuzaka sucks."

So, fine, it was somewhat sad. But totally worth it when I got props from the other Sox fans for showing up solo, and even more worth it when Papelbon smoked Jeter and Damon.

Suckers.

little things

2007-04-21T10:08:00.000-07:00

these past 6 months have been incredible
i wish i could have spent them all with you

He may not be here to hold my hand through the night, but he does a pretty OK job at letting me know he's still around.

update, abridged

2007-04-04T20:08:00.000-07:00

Job update: day after blogging about job concerns, among others... Success! Again! Still have job, now waiting for paperwork & word on negotiated time off.

Also feeling markedly better RE: STM situation. Getting better at distracting self.

wtf

2007-04-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

Well... the nerves have decided to stick around for a while. The good news: my lack of appetite comes just in time for bikini season (which, in TX, apparently starts in March, so technically I'm behind schedule).

I haven't heard from my place of [now potential?] summer employment since before spring break. This is unnerving for several reasons: since I last spoke to them, they did a drug test and checked my references. I'm less concerned about the test and more concerned about the references. One of them I hadn't spoken to in about 5 years, another could have gone either way. Regardless - what is the hold up? The flexibility of my summer is quickly becoming much less so, and I would like to know whether a.) I will have enough time for a quick "hop" to Malaysia pre-job, b.) I will be able to pick up STM from the airport upon his much awaited arrival and c.) if I will be able to attend STM's graduation. The latter 2 fall on weekdays and are of fairly high priority, so knowing what my employment requirements are on those days is of utmost importance. Of course, knowing whether or not I STILL HAVE A JOB is even more important...

Additionally, this week includes the the day on which I am to be verbally massacred in my Class From Hell. I volunteered to present a case, about which I know essentially nothing, to a classroom full of Subject Matter Experts. All in the name of procuring an above average participation grade, which counts for a full 50% of the final grade.

I don't know if I will be able to complete my independent study. Part of this is due to factors outside of my control, but another part of me wonders if I would be in this predicament if I had decided to just stick with 5 classes, or if I hadn't gone to Turkey and Greece. The answer to this is invariably, NO, you moron, you brought this misery upon yourself and now you have less than a month to pull your shit together. That said, I would go to Turkey and Greece all over again, given the chance. Screw you, independent study.

Despite what appears to be a deluge of distractions, it's all I can do to focus on the rational, somewhat controllable parts of my life. I miss him constantly. By the 2 week mark I thought that things would have settled at least somewhat, but instead I find myself evaluating my days based on whether or not I was able to talk to him. This cannot be the healthiest way to go about my day, but I think I've somehow forgotten how to be sane.

for a change

2007-03-23T16:09:00.000-07:00

First off, I highly recommend a visit to Istanbul and Budapest. Athens, perhaps if you have some spare time and cash, but the rude people and busy streets hardly make the trip worth it. Istanbul is a fascinating balance of Muslim culture, friendly faces, exotic shopping - um, hello, Grand Bazaar anyone? - and secular business practices. It's also a land of smoking hotttt jeans and unidentifiable yet delectable meat.

Second, I accepted a job offer for the summer. Sadly, I will remain within the stifling confines of TX - the DFW area, no less - but I'm pretty sure it's going to make for a kick ass experience. And I'm not talking about the fact that I will be living with my parents for several months.

Finally... most importantly, or at least that's what I tend to think given the percent of my day dedicated to thinking about it... I have an amazing, amazing man in my life. He does things on a regular basis that leave me in awe and make me lose my breath. He is everything, everything, I've ever wanted in a partner. Prior to spring break I had the luxury of having him around 24/7 for more or less a month, and it was just... perfect. From the very beginning we both acknowledged that we didn't quite know where things were headed but we agreed to do what felt right.

Honestly, nothing has ever felt this right. Which is, i suppose, why it's so frightening. The whole uncharted territory thing.

There is so much I feel I still don't know about him, and the thought of not being able to sit down for an extended period of time and really commit myself to knowing him inside and out is less than ideal. This time around, I don't have the benefit of all my friends knowing all his dirty secrets and being able to tell me how he really feels about me, about life. How else am I supposed to know if he even thinks of me while traveling for 8 weeks? How will he handle the fact that I will be in Shanghai for the fall semester? Does he get jealous? Lonely? Would he even tell me? The absolute last thing I'm looking for is another failed long-distance relationship.

Yet he has done nothing to deserve such a third degree, which is why I don't bring it up when he calls just to say hi from Paris. Experience has already shown that not only is he very self-aware, but he will answer anything I ask him, and honestly. Besides, I already know he loves me, I know he thinks of me, I know he cherishes our time together as much as I do and I know he looks forward to our future.

So why am I so damned stressed?

flowers & chocolate, oh my

2007-02-19T08:45:00.000-08:00

Ahh, the much anticipated update. Life has been hectic, mainly due to a newly-revised set of priorities these days:

find internship
spend time with STM
don't get called on in hellishly difficult but intensely fascinating and worthwhile international management course
stop being sick all the time

This month has been great because I got to see AV, on her way across the country to establish new roots! One evening in Austin is never enough time to adequately represent this fine city, but we did our best, making the obligatory stop at a hallowed Real World Austin spot. If only I hadn't been recovering from what was either a bacterial stomach bug, a virus or food poisoning. What good is dating a doctor when he can't even properly diagnose you, let alone prescribe you drugs??

Speaking of - Valentine's Day was, contrary to popular belief, pretty amazing. I was the lucky recipient of day-before-V-Day roses (nearly a week later, they still look decent!), a surprise 7 AM breakfast of eggs Benedict, a packed lunch ready to go in a fancy new lunchbox (chosen for maximum cheesiness), and a delicious and romantic 5 course meal that included everything from Möet to shrimp amuse-bouches to duck paté to seared scallops and strawberry-champagne sorbet.

Since then, I have been working my ass off to write two 5-page case analyses for aforementioned hard-as-balls class, write one 3-page case analysis for missing Strategic Management due to hauling my unsettled stomach to Health Services, write up an impression of my interview with a very nice applicant to Tufts and interview like nobody's business.

Finally - progress. Write-up of interview with very nice applicant, one 5-page and one 3 page case analysis? Done. Internship offer? Got that too. Not to say that I'm going to cancel all pending interviews, because I mean, really - who would turn down a final round interview in Charlotte when all expenses are being covered?

Being in b-school is niiiiice.

very much needed snow day: update II

2007-01-17T19:34:00.000-08:00

Classes tomorrow cancelled until 11 am. I have to say, missing a full week of 8 am Strategic Management has made this week infinitely more bearable. I don't have to go to a single one of those classes to know that it will be entirely useless to me and the rest of Cohort 2.

very much needed snow day: update

2007-01-16T17:57:00.000-08:00

In case anyone's counting, tomorrow will be day 2 of the Great Texas Freakout of 2007. Not that it matters to me, but at least I know I won't be missing out on anything on campus.

I am loving life right about now.

very much needed snow day

2007-01-16T12:30:00.000-08:00

Today I am reveling in the glory that is my first Inclement Weather day since returning to school. Which is made even more glorious because this semester I only have class on Tuesdays and Thursdays!

In celebration, I braved the icy streets to rendezvous with T for a night of Greys Anatomy, Ben & Jerry's, face masks and girl talk. We slept until 10:20 this morning and awoke to an ice-glazed wonderland. Craving an elaborate breakfast, we confirmed that Kerbey Lane was, indeed one of the few Austin-tatious establishments still open, and raced over for a breakfast of Earl Grey, cowboy queso, pumpkin pancakes and french toast. Before heading over, we had to break into my car:

happy new year, indeed

2007-01-01T13:33:00.000-08:00

Despite my firm resolve to never do long distance again, to enjoy singledom for an extended period of time, I am off the market again. However, it IS in accordance with my resolution to be spontaneous, and I'm going into it with experienced caution rather than naive optimism.

I have found something too good to pass up. And right now, I prefer a failed attempt at something amazing over a missed opportunity.

flying pigs

2006-12-28T09:44:00.000-08:00

As if having another growth spurt wasn't enough... I learned yet another fun fact about myself today from Josh, my New Favorite Stylist:

I have naturally curly hair. Naturally. Curly.

This sure beats high school, when I took a searing hot curling iron to my head in order to create a not-so-stunning Shirley-Temple-esque look.

dredging up the past

2006-12-27T14:59:00.000-08:00

A: so you dont see value in us being friends or you just dont know of a way that it wont be awkward
Me: right now... both.

Almost 3 months later and we're still not on the same page. When he first broke up with me, I was devastated. I worried that we would never talk again, that the man who had reliably been my best friend for over 6 years would leave a gaping hole in my otherwise ever-changing life. That losing him would mean utter chaos and I would descend into an abyss of overwhelming academics and an even more staggering search for a summer internship.

That was then.

I now know better. The dissolution of our relationship forced me to fully realize my strength as an independent person. I have always maintained a strong sense of self, even within the context of a long-term relationship. But never was that self-awareness so important or evident as when I had to fully depend on myself. When I had to make the decision to physically remove myself from the situation. When I had to literally gather the strength to get off the futon and find my own apartment. When I had to go back to the home that was once ours and reclaim my possessions.

Maybe, to some degree, my detachment from A is a function of bring forced to methodically separate myself from the situation in order to hold it together. I suspect that the more compelling reasons are that we hadn't had a real connection for years, and with his thoughtless actions in the last days A severed any chance we would have had at a post-mortem friendship.

Combine that with the fact that I am busier than I ever have been and hot new guy (STM) has entered my life, and we have a resounding verdict: I don't need A in my life. Nor do I see a point in the future where I will. I harbor no animosity, no regret, not even sadness. I'm just done trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

2006-12-24T20:03:00.000-08:00

Hi, D! You know, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...

Since I've been home I have applied for 21 internships, finished xmas shopping for the fam, learned that I have AMAZINGLY maintained a GPA over 3.0 (thereby retaining a much-needed, much-coveted scholarship), won my fantasy football league's Superbowl, caught up with girlfriends over a midnight happy hour, gone for a spontaneous 4 mile run sans stoppage, saved my dad's computer from the brink of virus-induced death, talked at length with a certain hottie in Malaysia and made 5 batches of cookies. I love winter break.

Behold the fruits of my labor:

gingerbread men and sugar cookies...

candycanes...

nutmeg-powdered nutballs...

peanut butter coconut pecan truffles....

by the skin of my teeth

2006-12-19T14:11:00.000-08:00

It wasn't pretty, but I survived. How a final exam grade of 41% translates to a B- overall, I will never know.

The only thing messier than my performance over the past week? Tonight.

in an effort to be the least productive person on earth...

2006-12-14T21:29:00.000-08:00

Things I did today:

completely blew my accounting final
sat next to a man on the bus that smelled like a gas station restroom that hadn't been cleaned since 1982
took a nap
talked to new man... 3 times
organized digital photos
did laundry
painted my toenails
packed for a brief but glorious weekend sojourn to Houston
drank coca tea

Things I did not do today:

spend any money
adequately prepare for marketing final tomorrow
care about adequately preparing for marketing final tomorrow

something good

2006-12-07T12:54:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's that honeymoon phase glow talking, but I've been really happy lately.

One week of blissful, sinfully spontaneous cohabitation, and I'm well on my way to... where, exactly?

He's perfect.

Smart.
Ambitious.
Incredibly thoughtful.
Just affectionate enough.
Funny.
Uninhibited.
Hot beyond belief.

And I mean really - he cooks.

Who knows if I'm ready, but circumstances could very well see to it that things don't move too quickly regardless of what either party wants. The only foreseeable obstacle is timing, the Story of My Life. If someone figures out the answer to that one, please pass it along...

like riding a bicycle

2006-11-11T13:46:00.000-08:00

Two days after my last midterm - exactly 2 weeks and a day after A & I broke up, I met him.

He's everything I would ever want and none of what I was (am?) looking for.

He's not even my type.

And yet I find myself drawn. I recently vowed that I would be more spontaneous and take what life has to offer, but I had no idea that my resolve would be tested so soon.

How do we know when it's right? Is timing really everything, or is that just something we use as an excuse?

indulgence

2006-11-08T22:55:00.000-08:00

Roasted breast of quail with corn flan. Shrimp cocktail. Crawfish & lump crabcakes with creole remoulade. Wild mushroom salad. Steak tartar. Seared scallops topped with caviar, sitting on a bed of marinated lobster. Molten chocolate cake with homemade pralines. Pear cobbler with a side of frozen custard. 20-layer bread pudding. Cappuccinos all around.

Sitting in the softly lit front room of a historic Texas mansion, surrounded by seven other future leading businesswomen and one woman of incredible industry savvy, reputation and inspiration, all of us dreaming, confiding, designing our respective paths towards a lifetime of success.

This is what b-school is all about.

change of scenery

2006-11-05T21:33:00.000-08:00

new life, new zip code, new URL. not sure what that last one will be just yet, but consider this your heads up. email me if you want to stay in the loop.

too lazy to actually write anything

2006-10-29T21:43:00.000-08:00

Your Heart Is Orange

Love equals unbridled happiness for you. You enjoy the wild ride of falling in love.
And while the ride is fun for a while, you always get off once the thrill is gone.

Your flirting style: Hyper

Your lucky first date: Anything you need your passport for!

Your dream lover: Is both daring and well grounded

What you bring to relationships: Energy

What Color Heart Do You Have?

in studying for microeconomics...

2006-09-24T22:23:00.000-07:00

Tonight I came upon a problem from last year's midterm:

You had a reading about a sheriff who stopped a mob who was fixing to kill three innocent people. What questionable thing did the sheriff do?

First, how is this relevant to my comprehension of micro? Second, it's obvious that the use of base vernacular does not prevent one from becoming one of the world's leading economists.

climbing more mountains

2006-09-21T07:52:00.000-07:00

I have a shitload due on Monday.

Accounting problem set. Assessment of Nortel financial statement. Read Sealed Air case study and be prepared to present in Marketing class. Microecon take-home midterm due. Microecon real-life midterm Monday evening.

And then there's the McCombs wine club event on Friday. I've already paid $45 in dues, so I totally have to attend.

Not to mention go to my Apple Procare appointment on Saturday to move all the data from my OLD Apple to my NEW Apple... Yes, despite the fact that the UFCU now owns my soul for the next 8 or so years, I splurged on a shiny new MacBook. Because I need it for Stats and no one can tell me otherwise.

Oh and I have GOT to go to the Saturday tailgate and TX-Iowa game. I paid for season tickets, so damned if I'm not going to use every ticket that won't turn out a decent profit.

And the Epicurean club is meeting for dinner at a chic Thai restaurant on Saturday. A girl's gotta eat, right? So that pretty much blows all of Saturday out of the water.

I also have the beginnings of a cold, thanks a lot to A. Zicam is my closest friend these days, as I absolutely cannot afford to be sick right now.

All this, and yet I find myself sitting in the Carpenter Center - a veritable social wasteland where work tends to fall by the wayside and conversations gravitate towards weekend plans, b-school gossip and the scandalous events of the last Think-and-Drink... Why am I here, you ask? Because I'm a grad student these days and thrive on the rush of procrastination.

Sorry so discombobulated... I know I've been absent lately and will try to do better, but honestly, who has time to rehash the glory of orientation and my new best friends and, oh god, PERU? Just call me if you want the details.

hello goodbye

2006-08-01T19:55:00.000-07:00

In the past 5 days I have:

quit my job
stupidly purchased fantastic new shoes
gotten lost on the New Jersey Turnpike - 3 times
seen some long-lost Jumbos
attended a wedding
shoved items for Peru into a huge ass, brand-spanking-new backpack
packed the rest of my earthly possessions
rented a van, for the first time at a highly-reasonable "over-25" fee
drove my crap to Austin to move in with my boyfriend
drove the van 3 hours back to DFW
drove back to Austin
unpacked
gotten my student ID
cancelled my Blockbuster Online account :(
refilled a prescription under short term medical insurance (how a paper insurance card can be considered legit is beyond me)
discovered an Austin radio station that plays nothing but early 90's (can you say Rhythm is a Dancer?)
met 13 of my new best friends, all of whom will be hiking to Machu Picchu with me at some point during the next 10 days

Yes, I'm going to Peru. I have been so preoccupied these past few months that I have forgotten entirely to elaborate on that fact. Yes, by the time school starts I am going to be so broke that eating crumbs from the bottom of Ramen noodle packets will be a culinary luxury.

Leading up to this huge adventure, I have gotten vaccinations for tetanus, yellow fever, typoid fever and hepatitis A. I am bringing medicine for altitude sickness, diarrhea and malaria. I have special "international insurance" in the event that I need bones to be reset or, in the worst case, repatriated. I have been so unusually methodical about the entire procedure that it is virtually guaranteed that I am forgetting something monumentally important. Passport, breathable pants, raincoat? Check, check, check. I will undoubtedly have that "oh, shit" moment on the plane.

At the moment, I sit alone in a coffeeshop, waiting for a friend and contemplating settling into the life of a diligent grad student - a prospect both exhilarating and terrifying. For the moment, though, Peru will serve as an adequate distraction from "real life."

Be back in 10 days, hopefully with 1500 more pictures to sort through!

Jeter swallows

2006-07-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

I spent yesterday evening at Ameriquest Field, cheering on the Rangers and, of course, jeering the demonic Yankees. I had planned ahead, packing a nice set of Reefs, white linen pants and my navy blue YANKEES SUCK shirt. I had worn it to a 2005 Rangers game and received quite a few compliments, so it is clearly well-received in this town. Much like another town I know.

So when I was confronted by an employee who asked me to remove the shirt before I even entered the stadium, I was clearly appalled. I compromised and agreed to just fold the shirt up so that the "SUCKS" was covered. It was demoralizing to have to pose as a hobag belly-baring Yankees fan, but how else is a girl supposed to get to her seat?

As soon as I got inside I took my shirt back down and sat back to enjoy an evening of ballpark food, good company and all-American Yankees-bashing.

All of a sudden, Don Ritter, our elderly section monitor, was hastily climbing collapsible stadium seats to reach me, at which point he asked me to cover up my shirt.

Sounded to me like he wanted to see some skin. So I obliged.

Periodically throughout the game (which, by the way, was very reminiscent of the heartbreak of Red Sox / Yankees games), Don would catch my eye and motion for me to hike up my shirt. I was quite taken aback by his cheekiness, but went with it.

Somewhere around the 7th inning stretch, however, I got daring:

In the end, the Rangers lost. But it was a fantastically close game, AND I got to piss off some old people.

my progress in the fight against global warming, part III

2006-07-23T20:34:00.000-07:00

Victory #1: I began meager training regimen for hiking trip to Peru: running in the mid-afternoon Texas sun. While I was unable to run the entire 3+ miles, I consider walking/running for 30 minutes without passing out in a puddle of my own perspiration to be a win in itself.

Victory #2: By the time I crawled back to my front door, I had in my arms 2 flattened soda cans, 1 regular sized Big Red bottle and a 2-liter bottle of 7UP! Now who throws a 2L bottle out their car window, and what series of events must happen for such ridiculousness to occur?

BIG news

2006-07-17T19:41:00.000-07:00

While I know you are all salivating at the idea of poring through my 1200 pictures, I have not yet organized, uploaded or titled any of them, so you will have to wait a little longer. (Don't worry, I will get it done at the very latest before leaving for Peru on Aug 2. The thought of sorting through more than 2000 photos at once is daunting even for me.)

In the meantime, a warm and fuzzy bedtime story that will have special meaning for my fellow height-challenged peers.

Today I went to the doctor to get my immunization records, new prescriptions and pre-grad school check-up. You know, using up the nonrefundable $364.96 left in my Health Spending Account for frivolous non-emergencies.

The appointment proceeded normally - I removed my shoes, stepped on the standard jiggly height/weight machine, got weighed (weight was the same as it always is, leading me to believe that I should give up the whole working out thing)...

Now for the kicker.

I turned around and faced away from the extendable metal yardstick while the attendant took my height.

"Okay," she said, indicating I could step down. Then, quietly to herself, as she recorded my measurement, "5-4."

"UM - 5 foot 4? Are you serious??"

I HAVE GROWN AN ENTIRE INCH SINCE LAST YEAR. Someone should study me (and pay me accordingly) to uncover the secret to undergoing a second growth spurt. I just hope this puberty thing stops at increased height. I would hate to have to revert to wearing fake Doc Martens with shorts and oversized glasses again.

feeling the burn

2006-07-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

too tired to think of a title

2006-07-12T20:07:00.000-07:00

yes, i'm back. yes, i had the time of my life in Europe. yes, my pix are on the web (but w/o captions so you aren't allowed to see yet!).

however, i have been stuck in jury duty for the past 2 days (yes, i was chosen!)
and i am mentally exhausted. also, having just this evening experienced rock climbing for the first time in my life, my arms are too tired to type.

more to follow soon (i hope!).

sometimes i amaze myself

2006-06-19T19:24:00.000-07:00

Two whole days before I leave for Pisa, and I've finished packing. How does one pack for 2.5 weeks on a continent where the weather can range from 100 degrees in Sevilla to 50 degrees in Berlin - in a single carry-on suitcase? Travel with me and prepare to be educated.

OK, so maybe it doesn't hurt that I'm a small person and a majority of my clothes can therefore be rolled up into the size of a lima bean. That in combination with the fact that I dress like a ho.

Words cannot describe how excited I am to escape from Corporate America. I hope to get out of this trip what everyone else seems to have done during their semester abroad or after graduation - what I missed out on by going directly from the Hill to 2650 Lou Menk Drive. The plus side of doing it at this point of my life, however, is that I now have the financial means to do it. You know, the financial means that would probably be better spent investing in my academic future.

Mehhhhh... fuck that shit.

I am going to steep in an Italian mud bath in Tuscany, climb the Tower of Pisa, gorge myself on pasta and gelato, wave to the Pope at his General Audience, enjoy tapas and flamenco in Sevilla, visit Alhambra in Granada, play in Barcelona's Olympic Village, catch the semifinal World Cup match over a pint at the Hofbräuhaus, stroll down Unter den Linden and catch up with an old pen pal over curry in London. I'm hoping that the nonstop sightseeing will somehow counteract the constant flow of local spirits and other epicurean delights to be consumed during my sojourn across the pond.

Email me your addy by Wednesday if you want a postcard!

storm before the storm

2006-06-17T20:28:00.000-07:00

about to embark on whirlwind 2.5 week adventure in Italy, Spain, Germany & London. frantically trying to tie up loose ends before departure on Wednesday. will try to update before I leave.........

what the...

2006-06-09T16:07:00.000-07:00

911: "Southlake 911, where is your emergency?"

Me: "114 and White Chapel."

911: "Is there a cow on the loose?"

Me: "Uh - yeah...!"

911: "We already have it on record. Thanks for calling!"

car woes

2006-06-08T19:50:00.000-07:00

In other news, I took the MINI to Carmax for the third time. For those of you who haven't sold a car to them before, a word of advice: take their first offer. Each additional time you go back they will see the sheer desperation in your eyes, your need to be relieved of hefty car payments.

If you decide NOT to take my advice, however, head directly to a lavish happy hour with an assortment of delicious appetizers, get hit on by a delicious gay waiter, schmooze with brilliant future classmates and realize that, all things considered, $1,000 lost on a car is a drop in the bucket.

my progress in the fight against global warming, part II

2006-06-08T19:41:00.000-07:00

Picked up 2 more discarded water bottles on run last night + 2 flattened cans. Wonder if recycling company will still take those...

Finally brought home bottle retrieved from the company trash.

school-related rant

2006-06-06T17:28:00.000-07:00

And by the way, to the monkeys who have set up the McCombs secure website:

Damn you all for creating a password protected website with HIGHLY pertinent information that I need for my matriculation at UT this fall, not to mention the webpage for mandatory orientation registration, all of which I CANNOT LOG INTO.

Now it has been previously noted that I am a technology afficionado. I am not used to being outwitted by a piece of machinery. When such a thing happens, I am inclined to think it is someone else's fault.

Furthermore, being told that the root of my problems is a firewall - apparently enabled on 4 different machines in 3 different locations, one of which is OUT OF STATE - is UNACCEPTABLE.

Thank you.

my progress in the fight against global warming, part I

2006-06-06T17:18:00.000-07:00

Monday, 4:13 pm - on way to restroom, witness coworker carelessly throw away highly-recyclable Diet Coke bottle

Monday, 4:15 pm - on way back from restroom, with coast clear, quickly dig reach into industrial-sized trash can to retrieve plastic treasure for future recycling

Monday, 7:55 pm - during evening 2+ mile run (go me!), see half-empty discarded water bottles on major thoroughfare, one filled with questionable orange liquid. pick up bottles and continue furtively home, slightly embarassed at odd appearance.

Tuesday, 5:30 pm - purchase 2 new tires to improve MINI's gasoline consumption (& improve resale value)

I titled this entry with the hope that my efforts will at the very least continue in this paltry and slightly bizarre fashion. Hey, at least I can sleep at night.

brought to you by Al Gore

2006-06-04T15:35:00.000-07:00

This weekend, I paid $9.50 to attend a lecture. Actually, a recording of a lecture, 30 miles from my house. It was a downer, really.

And totally worth it.

To some extent, the film is preaching to the choir. I would say that most people who cared enough to see the film opening weekend are already environmentally conscious to some degree. But there are things that we can all do better. And as this film gets more publicity, the more impact it will have on those who are currently unaware. Those who need to know. Those who have the power to enact substantial and effective change.

Please go see An Inconvenient Truth.

senioritis

2006-06-01T17:23:00.000-07:00

So when you decide to quit your job and go back to grad school, I have discovered that several things happen:

you become incredibly unmotivated at your place of work
you spend obscene amounts of money on expensive food, alcohol, fantastic vacations and just about anything else you can think of
your blogging skills suffer even more than they did before getting into school

Yeah, um... sorry about that last bullet, btw.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes... For those of you that were late or forgot entirely, it's so not a big deal. I always thought my 25th would involve something like an extravagant black-tie party, big enough to rival those New Year bashes in When Harry Met Sally. I mean hello - we're talking quarter century here! Turns out all I needed was a long weekend involving nothing fancier than jello shots, tiki torches, a pony keg and tubing down the Comal. (A word of advice to those who plan on tubing in TX anytime soon - avoid the Comal at all costs and get your ass down to the Guadelupe. Unless, of course, you're into the whole drunken obese white trash scene.)

Which brings me to my present state of anxiety-ridden European vacation planning. How in the world will I get from Barcelona to Marseille to Paris to Munich to London in 6 days without killing myself? Only time will tell.

Travel tips are more than welcome, by the way. Anyone?

today, in brief

2006-05-10T18:01:00.000-07:00

things that made today suck a little less:

getting a free Baby Ruth at the exact moment of maximum sweet-toothiness
dinner with the rentals at Joe T. Garcia's in the breezy 75 degree weather
knowing that meeting the McConaugheys will be a very real and bizarre possibility upon my relocation to Austin

summons

2006-05-01T16:11:00.000-07:00

I swear, of everyone eligible to be called for jury duty, I must be hounded the most. During my college years I was called to serve no less than three times - exempt, exempt, exempt. I finally attempted to serve last October, but after being placed in a pool was ultimately denied and sent home.

I received my latest summons yesterday, to appear the day that I am scheduled to fly into Boston for the bro's graduation.

The sad part is this: with everyone in this country aching to get out of jury duty, I appear to be the only one who actually WANTS to sit on a jury of my peers, having yearned for the opportunity ever since forensic science class senior year!

So I rescheduled my summons to July - 2 days after I return from my European extravaganza. If I am somehow unable to return in one piece, I will also be breaking the law - hmm....

Apple Genius

2006-04-23T11:43:00.000-07:00

Since graduating with a degree in computer science, I have found that there are certain advantages that only someone with my skills can enjoy. I can set up a wireless router, complete with 128-bit encrypted WEP, to thwart ignorant - or sneaky - neighborhood internet thieves. I can build webpages without the need for WYSIWYG web publishing applications (although they can come in handy). I can set up my TiVo with my eyes closed. I know how to set up a wireless print server (WPS) so I can print from across the house, if I so choose.

Or not.

After successfully hooking up the WPS back in March 05, it was with much dismay that I discovered that the $100 printer that came with the purchase of my new Powerbook, the very same one that came with a $100 rebate that I forgot to mail in, still refused to print a single page. Back then I spent entire evenings at a time reading manuals, downloading Mac drivers, attempting to print test pages... anything that would validate my technical prowess. My one small win finally came in the form of one garbage-filled sheet of test paper. (There is a signal! At least I got the WPS right!) Sadly, determining that the problem lay with my computer was as far as I got before giving up. Several weeks later even A, my official technology guru, was at a loss. It didn't help that when he tried printing from his Windows PC the Epson sprang to life within nanoseconds, as if it had already known it would be summoned to complete such a noble task.

For the next year, my "free" printer sat in the corner of my bedroom, shunned from the otherwise high-tech life that I led. For a while I considered selling the damned thing, but doing so would have confirmed my failure. And my therapy sessions of last fall clearly highlighted my issues in that department...

So when it came time for me to move back home, I boxed up the printer and lugged it with me. I had just about resigned myself to a life of emailing myself attachments to print from other, more worthy machines, when I experienced a life-changing event.

Yesterday, after stopping at the post office to mail HP audiobooks 1-6 to Sars, I decided to linger in Southlake's highly overrated, I mean pretentious, I mean acclaimed Town Square. Yes, it's superficial and obnoxiously ostentatious, but it IS good for quality shopping. I was on my way to J. Crew when I saw the brand new Apple Store with a parallel parking spot waiting for me right at the entrance. Anyone who knows me is well aware that such rock-star parking cannot be passed up. Upon entering I was greeted by Hank, an Apple expert, who asked me if there was anything with which he could help. And somehow the awful details of my printer woes came pouring out.

I walked him through the steps I had taken to try to solve the problem, hoping to prove that I really had exhausted my resources and wasn't as inept as he might have first thought. It seemed to work, as he finally realized that I had already tried everything he could think of. Still, Hank wasn't an Apple Genius, so there were still others in the store who might be able to help. Rather than pay an ungodly sum by bringing my unwarrantied Mac to the store, however, he suggested that I purchase the 12 month ProCare plan for $99, schedule an hour long 1-on-1 appointment with a Genius, and get assistance under the guise of wanting to "learn more about printing digital photos."

And he said he wasn't an Apple Genius.

So I did just that. This morning, after my shiny new ProCare account number had been activated, I went online and scheduled an appointment for Tuesday night. A few hours later, I looked at the Epson printer box warily and decided to give it one last try before admitting total defeat.

Fifteen minutes later, I WAS PRINTING.

True, the evidence was pretty lacking - the print cartridges had lain dormant for so long that ink had crusted over all but a few nozzle holes, resulting in a very streaky test page. But I could tell it wasn't just another sheet of computer garbage. There, in poorly-spaced lines of bluish-green and black, was the undeniable shape of a woman with an afro.

For the life of me, I cannot figure out what I did differently. But I've been around long enough to know that you just don't question these things. And I'm still going to my Mac appointment on Tuesday - if nothing else to gloat about my victory. Maybe we can still squeeze in some digital printing tips with the 10 minutes we have left.

MotorPooUSA

2006-04-14T11:26:00.000-07:00

Since I put my MINI up for sale, I have received very few calls. A few, but nothing serious. After posting to AutoTrader.com about a month ago, however, I received an unsolicited call from someone at MotorZooUSA. They left a message asking me to call back if I was interested in selling my car at $2000 above the asking price.

Well who wouldn't? I called back and left a message asking for more information.

A couple of weeks went by - nothing.* Just 15 minutes ago, I received a call from Mikhail at MotorZooUSA, touting their unique webpages custom tailored to each vehicle and advanced search engine listings. How they work with Capital One to help buyers finance their purchases. How when buyers go through financing they are much more willing to pay more for a vehicle b/c they are only focused on the monthly payments. (my skepti-radar perked up at this) How all advertisements are run until the car is sold. How they don't even make money off the sale of my car, that they profit off of the financing costs. Mikhail said all I would have to do is cover some minor advertisement costs.

I was then transferred to Jerry for an estimate on how much these advertising costs would be. "Well, for an '04 MINI Cooper that will run about $800. Now of course we wouldn't ask you to pay that much... *chuckle* ... instead you would be responsible for $400 of that. How does that sound?"

I said that sounded pretty darned high. Jerry said we could list my car at $2400 above the asking price, to recoup advertising costs. (Now who in their right mind would pay that much for my car when they can buy a brand new MINI for about that much?) I said I needed some time to think about this and find out more about the company. Jerry remained cordial, but I could definitely hear the frustration in his voice.

After the call, I did some research. First of all, their website is very basic and unimpressive. The information on their website is optimistic and vague. So I googled them and was rewarded with a very insightful consumer review. Apparently this company has been scamming people since 2004. Similar stories, most from people less fortunate than I. Yes, there appear to be a lot of legal loopholes that allow this business to stay afloat (B, maybe you can investigate during your free time?), but that doesn't make them an honest business. Long story short, I think I'll let others be suckered into paying for inflated salaries, aHEM, I mean advertisement costs. BEWARE!!

* Unfortunately for MotorPoo, during that time I began reading Influence - Science and Practice, which described the many ways in which salespeople can manipulate future customers. My heightened awareness of these practices undoubtedly kept me from talking to them for longer than necessary. I advise anyone interested in NOT being suckered to read this. It's not just another boring self-help book, I swear.

obsession

2006-04-10T19:38:00.000-07:00

So the real reason behind my cyber-scarceness isn't entirely due to the fact that I spent the better part of last week in Austin scoping out my new digs. Or that I have been researching an upcoming European vacation. Although, yes, that is partially to blame.

The truth is, I've been having an affair.

A short while back I was able to come to terms with my infidelity to A, and so did he. In fact, I think he's come to accept my indiscretions as one of my many endearing charms.

The new infatuation in my life? Harry Potter.

For the past decade or so, I've constantly strived not to fall victim to formulaic young adult literature. This goal has not been that hard to accomplish - since the Babysitters' Club series there really hasn't been a collection of easy reading that could hold a candle. That and I've lately taken a liking to political biographies.

My fall from grace can be blamed entirely on the allure of getting a great deal. Of sticking it to the man. You see, my coworker recently invested in the HP series 1-6 on CD, unabridged and in all of its glory. In total, she probably spent a few hundred bucks on the collection - an unusually good deal for 1,380 audio files, or 3.9 consecutive days of pure, uninterrupted literary escape. So when she offered to let me borrow - ahem - convert them to iPod-friendly files, I couldn't possibly turn her down. Hell, I would burn a copy of I Am the Cheese narrated by Ben Stein if someone was giving it away. I have always been a sucker for free shit.

Even so, I never expected to get sucked in the way I did. And at first, I didn't. I had seen the first 2 movies and thought they were moderately entertaining. I had even tried to read The Sorcerer's Stone a while back, but could never get into it. After the second book, however, I started to enjoy my drives to and from work a little more (all hail the almighty auxiliary input). Something about Jim Dale's voice made the story much more engaging than reading or watching it. By The Prisoner of Azkaban, I was completely immersed in the story. How could I stop listening with all that character development??

Despite that the Half-Blood Prince was 18.5 hours (17 discs!) long, I finished it in about a week. I listened to it as I got ready for work in the morning. I listened on my way to work. I listened during lunch at my desk. I listened on the way home. I let my TiVo do its job as I headed to bed early, preferring the company of HP and friends over 24's broody Jack Bauer. By the end, I was spent, emotionally and physically, having stayed up into the wee hours night after night.

And then the questions. Who is RAB? (I think I know.) Why did JKR have to kill off so many key characters? Who will die in the end?

Good thing there's only one book left. With any luck it will be released during an extended school vacation.

And I'm not talking about one of those sissy 3-day weekends.

eBayne of my existence

2006-03-21T18:59:00.000-08:00

So I've decided to become an eBayer. I've thought about selling stuff online for years, but never had the patience to gather all the necessary info, take pictures, post them online, etc. And besides - I'm no small-timer. If I'm going to sell something online, I'm going to go for the big bucks.

That's why I've posted my MINI.

Now, with less than a day left on the auction clock and no one even close to my reserve price, I am freaking the hell out. However, I have bought enough items online to know that serious bidders wait until the last second to secure a purchase. But I'm beyond logic. And it's not even that I'm afraid that I will lose the money spent on posting the auction. Although, yes, my finances are increasingly causing me some concern.

More importantly, what if no one wants Rambo? What do the other MINIs have that mine doesn't? Is my reserve too high? Are the door dings too much of a turnoff?

For now, I will continue to gauge my success by the number of hits received.

tidal wave of relief

2006-03-14T18:33:00.000-08:00

Since being accepted to the McCombs School of Business, I have spent a significant amount of time relecting on the two years of academia that now lay ahead of me. Until now, I have always felt that I have somehow had everyone fooled. When you think about it, I really fooled Tufts twice - once as a high school senior and then as a freshman transfer student. After being accepted for the second time, one of my first thoughts was, Man, I can't believe they fell for it again. Both times I knew I was a qualified student, but I also knew that there were plenty more out there. This is even more evident to me now, as I am continually interviewing prospective Tufts students that are ultimately rejected, despite that most are more qualified than I ever was at their age.

With graduation looming on the horizon, I started searching for a job. When I was offered a position working for one of the largest transportation companies in the country, I was even more surprised. What would a computer science major have to offer a marketing department?? They must be hard-up for diverse employees, I supposed.

Regardless of the vast number of accomplishments and qualifications that I can now list on my resume, I have always felt that I was somehow sneaking through the system, that my success was, to some degree, unearned. These days, I think this may be a symptom of not having any particular passion for what I do. As hot husband Tom said on the most recent episode of Desperate Housewives, "No one can give 100% all the time." And if I don't feel like I'm giving something my all, I don't feel as deserving when the kudos come rolling my way.

However. I was accepted to business school. Not only that, but I was accepted to one of the best business programs in the country. Only this time, for the first time in a while, I am proud to know that I deserve that acceptance letter. I know what I want, I have a clear goal in mind, and I understand the steps I need to take in order to reach it. And it is incredibly rewarding to have been able to convey that message well enough for an entire admissions committee to agree.

Tonight, after logging into my Gmail account and learning that I have earned a substantial two-year scholarship, I cannot hope for further evidence that I have made the right decision.

Unless, of course, that evidence happens to include more free money.

giving credit where it's due

2006-03-11T14:40:00.000-08:00

Now there's a sight no one has seen for a few months: my feet in running shoes. While I have definitely been satisfying an unusually large appetite due to one of the many perquisites of living at home and therefore feeling a little on the "not-so-petite" side, I had not felt the need to offset the appearance of any unwanted fat rolls... until today, when I decided to run a 5K for the first time in all of my nearly-25 years. This change of heart can be due to only one individual: Flat Stanley (FS).

FS is the subject of a children's book that my first-grader cousin read in class earlier this year. In this book, the sequence of events is as follows:

Stanley is a student.
Stanley gets squashed by a chalkboard and is renamed Flat Stanley.
Stanley miraculously survives this horrific accident and discovers the glory of traveling via envelope.
Owing to his new and economical mode of transportation, Stanley goes on fantastic voyages across the globe.

After reading this highly traumatic yet inspiring tale, my cousin's class, like so many others across the country, decided to send their own Flat Stanley around the world. And thus FS was sent off to Mumbai, India; Michigan; Mississippi; Florida and finally Fort Worth, TX.

During our first few days together, we went to all the usual places - work, home and happy hour.

Finally, when we got some free time, we hit up the Stockyards...

... and did some shopping.

Unfortunately, the token longhorn steer that usually loiters outside the Fort Worth Stock Exchange was long gone by the time we made it down there, so we did the next best thing.

Still, I couldn't let FS leave Fort Worth without seeing the real deal. So yesterday afternoon, when my mom proposed that we both participate in a 5K this morning, despite the fact that I had not seriously exercised for at least 3 months and that saying "yes" would require me getting up at 6:00 AM on a Saturday morning, I decided to go for it. Why? Because this race, called Run the Ranch, would meander through the Circle T Ranch, owned by Ross Perot's son. And, just like any other self-respecting ranch, the Circle T had longhorns and cowboys. To deny FS such an opportunity would be a travesty.

Surprisingly, despite the extremely hilly course, I ran all but about 100 feet of the race. And, much to FS' delight, the Circle T made good on its promise to provide proof of its Texan roots.

So thanks, FS, for forcing me to get off my lazy ass and actually do something with my Saturday. I may feel like crap tomorrow, but, by George, at least I will be able to rest easy with the knowledge that I can show my guests a good time.

moving

2006-02-21T16:18:00.000-08:00

Yes, I moved back in with my parents at the end of January. This was done under the *crossing fingers, hoping I don't jinx myself* assumption that I would be accepted to the one and only business school to which I applied. If I planned on attending school, I best be saving some $, and if that meant moving in with M&D... well there ain't no shame! I was also eager to live with people that would clean regularly, cook for me, have reliably hot water each morning and pay for maids every two weeks.*

Which brings me to my next point. I am incredibly lucky when it comes to choosing institutions of higher learning. Not once, but twice have I placed all my application eggs in one basket, and twice have I been accepted. Either that's random good fortune or I am setting my sights too low. I prefer to believe it's the former.

So now I am presented with the kind of questions I haven't had to answer in a while - when do I begin my new life? How shall it begin? If I live like a miser, I may have enough to cover the cost of 2 years' tuition by the time school starts... Do I take out loans nonetheless and blow it on pre B-school traveling? Who will travel with me? Could I do it alone? Do I know enough people in other countries?

These, my friends, are questions of which I will take the utmost pleasure in answering.

So... who wants to be my summer travel companion?

* Nothing but love, LT! :)

P.S.

2006-02-14T20:52:00.000-08:00

Why didn't anyone tell me about the severe beating that is the graduate school scholarship application process?? Tonight I discovered a scholarship requiring nomination by an Official Representative from undergraduate school, disclosure of past criminal history, 7 essays, a narrative autobiography and optional art portfolio.

Going into debt is looking better every day.

just another manic V-Day

2006-02-14T20:23:00.000-08:00

Due to the fact that yesterday at 4 pm our email server hovered between states of intermittent functionality and grinding haltedness, I called it early quits and took my work home.

Given my post-vacation workload, on which I was woefully behind by day 2, I knew that I would be working the hell out of Valentines' Day. By working from home beforehand I figured I could put a sizeable of a dent into my workload. Not quite.

Arrive at work 1+ hr early. 8 AM morning paperwork dropoff - just what boss was looking for. Meeting #1 - totally aced, thanks to work of night before. Lunch - eaten in 7 minutes flat, purse inadvertently left on adjacent seat. Meeting #2 - was nominated mediator and official notes-taker, due to fact that head honchos were MIA; key documents somehow missing from folder. Meeting #3 - 15 minutes after Meeting #2 - relatively brief, yet mind-numbing. In retrospect, AM coffee would have been good idea. Meeting #4 - nothing new to report, having failed on [unrealistic] deliverables. Return to desk, receive call from catering Re: missing purse that hasn't yet been discovered missing. An ad-hoc request here, a few typed up meeting minutes there and an overwhelming urge to throw myself in front of a locomotive and I was ready to call it a day.

It IS nice, however, to arrive home after an unforgiving day at work to a gourmet meal of osso buco, risotto, green beans a l'orange and chocolate truffle cake.

Living with Mom & Dad sure has its perks.

snow bunnies

2006-02-09T18:18:00.000-08:00

stranded

2006-02-03T23:13:00.000-08:00

A missed connecting flight leads to an unexpected 1 day stay in sunny Phoenix. Good thing I packed for the weather... oh wait.

P.S. I got into UT! Details to follow!

anchorage or bust

2006-02-02T21:19:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I'm headed to the seasonally moonlit state of Alaska for some skiing with Andy! This is me trying to be a good blogger and keep you updated on my haps. Enjoy your weekend & upon my return I will hopefully have some shots of a wintry wonderland, me falling on my ass and aurora borealis!

for a good time

2006-01-31T16:13:00.000-08:00

OK, so I wasn't aware until just this afternoon that the State of the Union is tonight. But all plans to watch my regularly scheduled 8 pm Tuesday night programming have gone out the window - I've got better things to do!

http://www.drinkinggame.us

midnight posting

2006-01-15T22:13:00.000-08:00

As I type this, I am lying in bed awake, a little more than 2 hours past my bedtime. I was rudely snatched from the edges of a blissful sleep when the sound of a muffled male voice - SINGING - awoke me.

At first it began intermittently. A line here, a verse there... and then a 3 minute break. That was about 1/2 hour ago. The good news is he is not entirely tone-deaf. I was even able to make out the tune to "Light My Fire." The bad news is that our budding musician does not know more than a few correct words to any of the songs in his repertoire. Or perhaps he just likes certain lines so much that he must sing them for the world in an endless loop.

Come on baby, light my fire.
Come on baby, light my fire.
Come on baby, light my... FIRE

At first it was amusing. Now it's fucking enraging. After assessing the situation, I determined that the voice was coming from the bedroom above mine. So I did what any rational person would do and banged the hell out of my ceiling with the wooden handle of a 4 ft paint roller.

Either he didn't hear over the din of his own voice or he continued to spite me, because damned if he didn't turn up the volume a few notches. So I put on my slippers and padded upstairs to request that my neighbor be more... neighborly. Only there was no singing to be heard on the 3rd floor. I even peeked through his peephole to see if a light was on. No dice. Is my ceiling thinner than the hallway walls? Is the voice coming from another apartment? The only sound I heard was that of the occasional car passing by. Maybe during the time it took me to walk upstairs the offender decided to quit being an asswipe.

So I went back downstairs.

He's still singing.

Oh, and did I mention? For the past 10 minutes, he has been serenading us all with refrains from "The Sound of Silence." And no, I wouldn't joke about something so cruelly ironic.

been a long time and ai ai ai

2005-12-07T17:01:00.000-08:00

Um... so rather than tell you what I've been up to (although I do hope to have a real update very soon!), I present to you a visual depicting Why I Was Sent Home Early Today:

And yes, I really do live next door to the Cattle Raisers Museum.

10 things that make me happy at this very moment

2005-11-14T20:18:00.000-08:00

Somewhat overdue... but you'll get over it. And now, in no particular order:

laying in bed, full from epicurean feast of ham/swiss chicken in madeira sauce, cheddar broccoli, wild rice and apple blackberry crisp
being 4 glasses of wine deep
having written the thesis of long, important-ass application essay
knowing that A is just a phone call (or 2.5 hr drive) away
drinking 5th glass of wine while blogging
talking to best friend B about everything and nothing
being wooed by university, despite the fact that it is one in which I have no interest
knowing TiVo is saving a week's worth of unwatched programs, just for me
planning upcoming pilgrimage to Boston
having 4 unused days of 2005 vacation

uncovering the truth

2005-11-01T18:49:00.000-08:00

It was a Monday night, Doris Kearns Goodwin was in town to publicize her new book on Abraham Lincoln, and I had decided to put the claims of my 11th grade AP U.S. History teacher to the test.

After a scintillating 90 minute discussion of Abe's political genius, past scuffles with plagiarism accusations, and the merits of the designated hitter rule, I followed the masses to the lower level of Bass Hall to purchase a signed copy of Team of Rivals.

What I really wanted to know was: does Mr. B. really know her? Eight years ago - holy shit, almost a decade? - I was sitting in class, listening to a voice recording of Kearns Goodwin that B. had brought in from his answering machine as show-and-tell. I remember not what was said in the recording, but that Mr. B was giddy with excitement at having concrete proof that he was an acquaintance, possibly even a colleague, of a reknowned author. In all likelihood most of us rolled our eyes and we moved on with the regularly scheduled lesson.

Now, years later, I still vividly remember the day when I saw a grown man become excited at the mere thought of knowing a well-known historian. And here was my chance to see if that excitement was justified.

"I have to say, I completely agree with your statement that everyone should have a history teacher that can generate excitement. I once had such a teacher who taught AP U.S. History in Sharon, MA named J.B. Do you know him?"

"Sorry... I don't think so."

I feel so betrayed.

ups & downs

2005-10-27T17:58:00.000-07:00

Today's plusses

teaching 4th grade Junior Achievement
having productive meetings
temps in the 70's
going home 6 minutes early
looking at amusing pix of team building day at Habitat For Humanity

Today's minuses

learning about 4th grader's desire to start own dog fighting ring
breaking a nail
discovering missing windshield molding caused by windshield replacement negligence

Today's saving graces

receiving email from JA teacher assuring me of intention to talk to troubled student
apology from Mr. Glass & guarantee of free replacement molding
working out, albeit for 25 minutes
watching cheesy romance movie on FOX
contemplating upcoming fantastic weekend with boyfriend

victory is mine!

2005-10-23T17:51:00.000-07:00

Looks like the orchids did something for my test scores today... Amazingly, I did as well as - OK, actually better than - I had hoped! More importantly, thank sweet [deity of choice] I don't have to put myself through it again!!

Of course, I am somewhat disappointed in the fact that I felt stumped by all but the easiest math problems, but I made up for it, miraculously, in the verbal section. Why I was never an English major, I will never know.

Since leaving the Prometric Testing Center, I have been laying in bed, surfing the web & watching Hide and Seek. Despite my best efforts to believe that I am finally done studying, I am still lying here, feeling as though I should still be cracking open the books.

Maybe a glass of wine will change that...

why i love my boyfriend - reason #5872

2005-10-22T17:24:00.000-07:00

lazy, hungover Sunday night

2005-10-16T20:35:00.000-07:00

Having totally kicked ass on today's full-length practice computer adaptive test, I promptly came home this afternoon, ordered digital prints to be picked up at Target tomorrow, reheated a gourmet meal for dinner, drank two - TWO! - glasses of wine, and sat my ass on the couch to enjoy Sunday night television. I remember the days when the only thing to look forward to on Sunday nights was the X-Files. Before reality TV - the good old days. I am happy to see that non-reality is still holding its own.

Does anyone else out there watch Gray's Anatomy? Is Sandra Oh not the most hilarious character ever?

At some point this week I swear I am going to shout "SOMEONE SEDATE ME!" I'm not saying when, I'm just saying it's gonna happen.

finder's keepers

2005-10-15T16:16:00.000-07:00

While not as productive today as I had hoped, I still managed to get a significant amount of studying done. My good intentions to get to the local coffee shop at 8 am were thwarted when I woke up in a panic at 8:27 am and thought, "My God! The alarm isn't set for weekends!" Fortunately, and according to my therapist, I am now better equipped to deal with an unexpected change in plans - I studied in the quiet of my dining room while I waited until 10, when the local library opened.

It seems that I am the only person in Fort Worth who regularly takes advantage of our huge-ass temple of literary bliss and intellectual solitude... And I like it that way. When I think back to my days as a young and impressionable bookworm, I remember feeling overwhelmed and nervous at the thought of being among so many unread books. Behold, the magnitude of the task before me! This continued even throughout my high school years, which seemed to involve a lot of studying at the Sharon Public Libary or various institutes of higher learning. Even Tisch and the BPL struck some semblance of fear into the very core of my being, as, for me, each new library presented a new set of questions - Will their internet work? How is their fiction catalogued? Do they have private study areas? Will they have what I'm looking for? Will I be be able to accomplish enough during my time here? Will the decrepit library monitor confiscate the tall Starbucks nonfat hazelnut latte protruding from the inside of my peacoat like a fanny-pack gone terribly wrong? Only time would tell.

These days, I'm not so anxious about libraries. Perhaps it's because my visits are mostly recreational. But even now, when I seek a quiet room in which to study, my experience is fairly pleasant. I can finish the work I set out to finish with minimal discomfort. I also think that I can attribute a large part of my ease in the FWPL to the fact that, in contrast to past experiences, there is so little library traffic to contend with. I know, almost without a doubt, that My Study Room will be always be available. Toddlers don't study, and, around here, adults don't appear to, either.

In fact, the day I encounter an adult making use of MY coveted spot is the day I will either heartily congratulate them for pursuing higher education or accuse them of pedophelia. Regardless, the conversation will end with me kicking the offender out. Because you're allowed to do that when it's your study room.

discombobulation, with a side of TMI

2005-10-13T19:55:00.000-07:00

A little sanity goes a long way.

Not to say that my state of mind is / has been stress-free as of late. I still have a GMAT to stress about for the next 9 days. In fact, my body appears to be rebelling against the ebb and flow of recent anxiety levels and has decided to break out with a mild case of hives. At least according to my highly-scientific self-diagnosis. Tomorrow's doctor's appointment may prove otherwise.

Regardless, I feel that I have regained a sense of balance. Just about a month ago I felt out of control, wondering what emotional calamities tomorrow would bring. I was so nervous that I couldn't eat. Today, however, I ate a sesame bagel with whipped cream cheese, a Hershey's dark chocolate nugget with almonds, leftover dijon-herb salmon with rice and green beans, a banana, chocolate cake, a white chocolate cranberry cookie, more salmon (this is what happens when your freezer is full of summer's bounty), broccoli, and milk. And I'm sitting here wondering how to satisfy my sweet tooth.

My reformed eating habits aside, I find the bloggerific quality of my life declining, now that it is decidedly less dramatic. I could tell you about how great/happy/promising/etc. my recently rekindled relationship has been, but a.) I try not to air laundry, dirty or otherwise, in a public forum, and b.) it's just not interesting blog fodder. I could discuss my GMAT woes at length. Or brag about being a newly-certified SCUBA diver. But that would only entertain for so long.

Maybe this "almost normal" thing will rub off and I will learn to release some more of my inner drama queen. Until then, my sincere apologies for boring you all to hell and back.

presenting...

2005-09-29T15:58:00.000-07:00

As I am in the midst of studying for the GMAT, preparing for this weekend's marathon SCUBA diving class, doing laundry and cleaning one very disgusting apartment, this will have to be quick. For those of you who have thus far been unable to read into my cryptic entries, things have been going much, much better for me. Therapy is great, I have some semblance of an idea of where my life may be headed, and yes - I am, once again, off the market. After nearly a month of negotiations, we have decided that despite all the hurdles to be faced now and in the future, we would much rather give it a shot together. So to my collective blog-audience of, oh, I'd estimate no more than 10, I introduce a new member:

A.

fresh start

2005-09-19T19:57:00.000-07:00

Well it's been another month in the life of H. I am in the midst of studying dutifully for the GMAT, and actually doing reasonably well. I spent an afternoon getting a much-needed mani/pedi with an old friend. This past week I was sent to LA on strict schmoozing business. Once that was over and done with, I spent the weekend... you know... in Hollywood. Oh, and brunched in Beverly Hills. And strolled along Venice Beach. And randomly happened upon a filming of C.S.I. Miami. And shopped at the Hustler store on Sunset Boulevard. Who does these things, you ask? Why, I think I do. But don't worry - reality came crashing down the moment I was SEXILED by my gracious host. But that's neither here nor there.

Most importantly, I no longer feel as though I'm on the brink of insanity. Quite the opposite, really. I'm a hell of a lot more aware of myself this time around. Yes, there is a lot to work on... and this time I think I might actually be ready to do it. At the moment, things between A and me are very much out in the open, and we both agree that it's a great thing. No, we don't know for certain what we are doing, or if it's for the best. But, unlike the old me, I am looking forward to making - or continuing to make - my own mistakes.

blogging tipsily

2005-09-01T17:31:00.000-07:00

I just came back from happy hour, during which I had my first adult beverage, excepting a glass of wine in Alaska, since J was in town, helping me spread the love around the entire DFW metroplex. You could say I have been in self-imposed detox for the past few weeks. I kind of liked it - no more reason to spend endless amounts of $$$ on a debilitating substance, constant clarity, feeling healthy (OK, healthier at the very least).

Since my return to Earth this week (i.e. finally realizing anticipated mental breakdown), I can count the number of actual meals I've had on one hand. And yes, I am getting better, people - no need to worry. Nerves have just always had a way of tearing my innards to pieces. So, due to my recent diet, it should be no surprise that a single Shiner Bock left me in a tizzy. I cut myself off and headed to the bookstore, where I went to pick up a GMAT book. Here's a tip to those of you who haven't tried it before: the problem with going to the bookstore when slightly un-sober is that you will pick up an MCAT book and start freaking the hell out when you peruse through the questions and realize that there is no way in hell that you will ever make it into grad school.

I fortunately realized the error of my ways before reaching the checkout line. But just wanted to give ya'll a heads-up. Don't go to the bookstore drunk. It can only lead to a severely depleted sense of self-confidence. Not. Good.

lost

2005-08-28T19:46:00.000-07:00

I never thought that so soon after my whirlwind summer schedule of travel and excitement I would return to such a pathetic state of... nothingness. I have been to New Orleans, New York, Boston, Dallas 3 times in one week (quite the trek in and of itself), Alaska and back. During that time, I knew nary a dull moment - nothing but learning, experiencing, living... I jumped out of a plane, learned a new and unladylike dance move, went fly-fishing with bears (oh, my!), met a strangely alluring Brit, reunited with many dear friends and had the time of my life doing all that and more.

Yet now that I'm back to the old routine (i.e. being a homebody), I just canNOT, for the life of me, shake the post-relationship mental rehashing. Every spare moment of the day - of which there are many, these days - is spent thinking about good times with A, what made us work, what went wrong, things I wish I had said, and things that might have been done to prevent all the damage done along the way. I also have moments of strength and lucidity... where I see our breakup as rational and think, hey, if one of us falls more in love with someone else, that means there must be that equally-special someone for the other person. And that's OK.

Of course, with none of it being relevant to the current state of affairs, I do realize that there is little point in reliving what "might have been." I also know that I've had these thoughts before, and past experience indicates that they are a normal step towards letting go. The last time this happened, however, I never got that chance to get past the "what ifs & regrets" stage. We got back together, things were temporarily blissful, and then, once again, I got cold feet.

If I don't get over this soon, I may have to do something drastic. Like talk to a bonafide professional.

Me - crazy? Who would have thought?

in lieu of an actual post...

2005-08-11T15:34:00.000-07:00

To celebrate the Sox sweep over the Rangers... Behold: gratuitous photo of Johnny, taken after my request that he "shake what his momma gave him."

Southie stars aligning

2005-08-02T20:27:00.000-07:00

It was after I met up with a long-lost high school friend in NYC this weekend that I made a shocking discovery: fellow high schooler, W, works in Fort Worth! Having no idea how this came about, I was pleased, when, upon my arrival back in Cowtown, I received a phone message left by a familiar neurotic voice. Before I knew it, I was making plans to meet not only him tomorrow, but also my first boyfriend, who, by some strange twist of fate, happens to be in town for the next week or so.

For some reason, I am giddy with anticipation at the thought of my second reunion in a week. In all probability, it is just a matter of continuing to distract myself from thinking about any of my recent drama. Nevertheless, I shall anxiously await tomorrow's post-pilates happy hour with bated breath. I realize it may be overkill to bring my camera, but, oh, how I wish it were more socially acceptable. Perhaps I can just leave it in the car...

leap of faith, part deux

2005-07-26T19:53:00.000-07:00

Do any of you know what it's like to jump out of a plane at 13,500 feet - 2 miles above the earth? Neither do I. My skydiving experience last weekend was almost entirely an out-of-body experience. Who can honestly say they skydive with all of their faculties intact?

OK, so really I was scared out of my mind, and, yes, I do remember most of the details. There was the 20 minute tandem jump video that was so haphazardly cut and pasted back together that the bearded skydiver man on the TV never seemed to convey a complete thought. There was the 2 hour wait following the oh-so-brief briefing. There was a near panic as we watched the video of someone who had just finished their first tandem jump.

And then.

It was time.

We suited up in our sexy blue "falling out of aircraft" one-piece outfits-with-limb-handles. We were fitted with hotttt puke-blue helmets (should there exist such a hue). We waited. We made anxious conversation. We met our jump masters. Mine was named Ernie and had made over 9,000 jumps, and yet I couldn't shake the premonition that I would be crashing into the ground at 120 mph in a matter of minutes.

We walked out to a grassy runway, where the tiniest yellow plane you can imagine rolled up to our modest waiting area of about 6 wooden benches. We boarded the plane, strapped ourselves in and climbed into the atmosphere - with the plane's door hanging wide open!! At some point someone handed me a piece of candy. And despite the fact that I knew if I didn't crash into the earth I would die a pitiful death from choking on a mint, I unwrapped it and popped it into my mouth without hestitation. Before I knew it, I was unbuckling, strapping myself to my jump master, and looking out of the doorway, 2 miles above ground and scared out of my mind. It is a truly strange feeling to realize that you don't have a whole lot of say in the matter when you have a moustached man named Ernie strapped to your back. Seconds later, I was hurling myself into an empty space, filled with nothing but the sound of wind all around me.

After that initial holy hell, why did I just jump out of a plane feeling, there wasn't much else to do than look at the cameraman and smile. So I did just that - and, in the end, received some truly nerdy pictures as a result.

As we fell through layers of atmosphere, each warmer than the next (it was about 100 degrees on the ground), I realized that it wasn't so bad. The fact that I was hurtling towards the earth at an alarming rate was so inconceivable that it took the shock of our blessed parachute (canopy, in professional skydiver talk) opening to make me realize that, yes, I did indeed just freefall for about a mile.

Would I do it again? Sure, why not... But I do think that I've met my daredevil quota for the year.

leap of faith

2005-07-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

So I jumped out of a plane this weekend, and lived to tell the tale. Details to come, once the pictures are developed...

the hazard of owning an iPod

2005-07-19T18:07:00.000-07:00

For whatever reason, I have had trouble getting myself to bed at a decent hour lately. As in, for the past couple of weeks. This being the case, some days I have been going to work with some degree of zombie-like symptoms. Nothing a good dose of Starbucks or extra-strength Excedrin can't cure. Today, after an exceptionally long and arduous day filled with deadlines and last-minute changes and an ensuing fatigue that would not be held at bay with the usual measures, I decided to spend the last couple of work hours in relative quiet, with only the din of my tunes to keep me company - and to prevent me from falling asleep on my keyboard. (Editor's Note: not only does my iPod keep me awake, but it also makes work more enjoyable and tends to help keep others from unnecessarily breaking your rhythm by saying something to the effect of, I can't hear you, talk to someone who cares.)

All was well and good - I was chugging right along, making slow and steady progress in my efforts to complete a program once and for all, when I heard Howie Day's Collide come on. Normally I am not one to allow myself to be outwardly affected by music, particularly in public. It is a very personal part of my life, and I tend to like it that way. Until today, this particular song had never even had any specific meaning to me, but when I heard it this afternoon it immediately directed my thoughts towards A.

You see, we've been broken up since July 4.

I have been surprisingly unaffected by the whole thing. It probably has something to do with the fact that we've done it before, and not so long ago, at that. In a way, however, I also saw it coming, and therefore had ample time to prepare and desensitize myself. Since we last saw each other, I have been busier than ever - going out with friends, traveling, pursuing new hobbies, reading, exercising, laying by the pool, entertaining the idea of a new fellow in my life... I figured it was due to my "being OK" with everything, not a symptom of anything to the contrary. After all, I have been able to refocus my energies toward a new romantic interest - does that not mean that I'm ready to move on?

Apparently not. When approached last week by said fellow, who revealed that he is most certainly interested in pursuing something, I was certainly flattered. After all, I have secretly harbored a major crush on him for approximately a year now. Walking home after that conversation, however, I was in a panic. Aside from some serious baggage on his end, am I really ready to go through this again? As far as I can tell, this is the kind of guy with whom anything less than serious would be an insult to both parties. Fortunately for me, it appears that my busy summer schedule will prevent me from making any rash decisions in the romance department.

Regardless, I am confronted with the more immediate issue of coming to terms with what would have tomorrow been a 5-year relationship. Who can I confide in now? With whom can I share my innermost thoughts and insecurities? Will I ever meet anyone who understands me to the depth that A and I have attained together? If so, will they love me anyway?

The biggest regret I have is not telling him how I felt about him before we parted ways. How I will always feel about him. I have considered calling/emailing/writing, but I doubt he wants to hear from me. And what would be the point, other than to allow ME to unload this emotional anvil from my shoulders? Or could it serve as part of the healing process for us both?

For now, a void has once again been left by the loss of my best friend. Even more sad is that it took Howie Day to make me realize it.

update II - photo frenzy

2005-06-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

It turns out my digital snapshots are not as vivid as memory serves me, but here are a few gems...

	BAHAMAS: relaxing on Cable Beach, wishing I had a cabana boy handy...
	BAHAMAS: the biggest free drink I will ever quaff, and it was enjoyed in the very subtle ambiance of Anthony's Caribbean Grill
	VEGAS: at first glance, this may appear to be your run-of-the-mill hotel bathroom shot. upon close inspection, however, you will see the glory that is the flat screen TV embedded IN my bathroom mirror! everyone needs a little BET in their morning routine...
	LONE STAR PARK: explaining the fine subtleties of equestrian gambling to dear friend S

sup, dawgs?

2005-06-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

If I had to choose a few reasons for my recent blogging shortcomings, I would have to select the following:

traveling to the Bahamas
the commencement of summer and, therefore, outdoor patios & poolside lounging
Jumbo symposium in Vegas
realizing that I can actually complete a full day's work by bringing it home in a laptop case
acquiring a mild gambling addiction...
portioning out the rest of my scant vacation days
planning new adventures

In time, I will most certainly post pictures from my latest adventures, but I just haven't gotten around to it.

In a nutshell, the Bahamas were great! The weather was less than cooperative, but it really could have been worse. A and I spent our time scuba diving, jet skiing, eating conch in its many Bahamian forms, and lounging under a straw hut. True, the humidity was about 100% the entire time, the motorbike adventure never quite "took off," their ATMs had $5 surcharges and our hotel room smelled like mildew, but overall it was a relaxing and fun vacation.

My trip to Vegas was, ahem, all expenses paid, a point that I did attempt to take full advantage of. The purpose of the trip was, unfortunately, not to emulate a Swingers way of life - I was there on very important Jumbo alumni business. Of course, when I wasn't discussing active citizenship or making PB&J sandwiches for Las Vegas veterans, I was taking a dip in our hotel's lazy river; riding the rollercoaster at New York, New York; attending "O" at the Bellagio; winning at blackjack; losing at blackjack... and, in general, spreading the Jumbo love throughout Sin City. You know, just doing my part for society.

Fast forward to present-tense. Inspired by my time in the Bahamas, I am now looking into getting scuba-certified. Just today I made a non-refundable deposit on a skydive in July. After I submit this post, I plan on researching an August trip to Alaska, as well as Chinese language classes in the DFW metroplex. I have started to take golf more seriously, going so far as to invest in a set of irons & woods. When it comes to horse betting, my interest in such stats as the "trainer jockey combo" and "good breeding" is no longer fleeting. At this point, there is pretty much nothing that I won't spend my hard-earned $$ on, and I think I like it!

Have I hit my quarter-life crisis?

forget Moab

2005-05-06T19:46:00.000-07:00

How about Nassau?

I booked the trip just yesterday while at work (thanks to my foresight in realizing that I would be out late celebrating Cinco de Mayo and thus unable to make reservations until the following day - far too late for such an extravagant purchase). The booking was made quickly, as I had a meeting to attend within 10 minutes of making the decision.

In retrospect, it was not the wisest decision I have made recently... But with the way my week was going, it was just about par for course.

I received a call this morning from the travel agency with whom we had booked the getaway. They had a question about the personal information of one of the passengers. As it turns out, I had unwittingly sent his nickname flying through the void of the world wide web, where it was taken and turned into a fully issued non-refundable ticket for a person that, according to A's passport, birth certificate and drivers' license, does not exist.

Their advice to me was to call The Airline and try to use my customer wiles to convince them to change the ticket without charging a fee. If that didn't work, I was told that I would have to forfeit the cost of the ticket and purchase an entirely new $414 ticket. After calling The Airline and learning that a.) they would not touch a ticket that had been purchased through a travel agency and b.) that if anyone was going to decide to help me, it would have to be the travel agency, I decided to call the travel agency back. After all, they were the ones who were said to possess the power of divine airline ticket reissuing.

If only it had been so easy. The woman I spoke to emphasized once again that there was nothing they could do, and that they couldn't reissue a ticket for the same reasons that The Airline could not.

On the verge of a nervous breakdown (there would have been multiple contributing factors, this being the final straw), I called A. I called my parents. I sat at my desk with my head in my hands. "Don't let them push you around. This is unacceptable," my dad declared.

And how right he was. That such an injustice was being inflicted on A, me and my exotic vacation was unthinkable!

So I called The Airline once again. I was connected with a nice old lady - in my mind, I am envisioning a grandmotherly figure, wringing her hands with worry - who was still unable to assist me, for a number of reasons, all of which I had already heard by this point.

I called the travel agency once again and THIS TIME the winds of fate were on my side. At first the kind fellow read in his "records" that I had twice spoken to his counterpart, who had already explained why I could not be helped. But then, for a brief magical moment, his voice faltered. There was a slight pause before he said the words I had been so longing to hear:

Can I put you on hold?

YES, for the love of all things holy, YES!!! I waited for what seemed like days... OK, not really - I did manage to get some work done while listening to canned telephone "island" music. Mr. Helpful soon came back on the line, and said, "I think I can help you out." After my expression of shock and disbelief, he said, "What can I say? I'm the man!"

The man indeed. He simultaneously hooked me up with a free reissued ticket complete with full legal name AND made a certain customer's Friday turn out to be much happier. Or, at the very least, that much less UNhappy.

feeling adventurous...

2005-05-03T20:32:00.000-07:00

May 30th is fast approaching, which means that I have a 3-day-weekend to look forward to, as well as a joint bday celebration with A - if things between us continue to be more than amicable...

Since I fail to see any reason why that would not be the case, we are forging ahead with plans to visit Moab, UT! True, the logistics of such an odyssey are unclear as of yet. I am, however, well-armed with a slew of piss-poorly designed tourist websites that I am sure will provide us with adequate info to plan a reasonably exciting five - count it, FIVE - day weekend!!

Our backup plan is to go to a beach somewhere on the Gulf, which has already been done in years past. At this point, any suggestions for alternative vacation destinations are still very welcome. So to all 3 of you, my loyal readers, I say: bring it.

let's rewind

2005-05-01T17:55:00.000-07:00

Hello, everyone. It's been a while, I know. Since March, much has happened, so I shall try to summarize briefly.

A & I are currently in a very happy place, albeit ambiguous. Things are just about as great as they were when we first met, but with a little of that "older and wiser" part. His dad is still in the hospital but making tiny steps toward recovery each and every day. A has spent a lot of time in DFW with family, and an increasing amount of time with me as we work towards a happy and healthy new phase of our relationship, or whatever the future holds for us.

I attended my very first horse race! And bet quite well, until I pushed my good luck too far... Us, before said equestrian madness:

I spent lots of quality time with my girl Jess! Lots of laughs & interesting new memories... Too bad the camera wasn't around for each unexpected twist. What we did manage to capture:

I hung out with my new Russian cousins! Excellent opportunity to bond with a couple of truly great kids. I hope I don't corrupt them TOO much - at least not until much later in their young adult lives...

I enjoyed my first tailgating party. It was a fantastic success, complete with oversized TX state flag & massive gluttony. The gang at what turned out to be a blowout Rangers loss:

Just yesterday I fulfilled my role as fuschia-clad bridesmaid in my girlfriend R's beautiful, elegant and perfect wedding. Congrats to the happy couple!

And today I enjoyed the fruits of my labor: a successfully organized Jumbo alumni outing to see the Rangers vs. Red Sox! Sox won - clearly our attendance gave them that extra boost they needed. That and my Manny Ramirez t-shirt.

I know there is much that has been left out, but this will have to suffice for now. Will try to update more frequently in the future, as hectic schedule and extracurricular activities permit.

confusion

2005-03-30T17:30:00.000-08:00

After spending a long few days mulling over recent events, it has become clear that I am not only afraid of commitment, but also that I have never really had to confront and deal with that fear before now. It seems that most of the things in my life have just happened naturally. I moved to a new state, I graduated high school, I went to college, I fell in love with a boy, I graduated college and got a job. The boy followed me around and I therefore didn't have to worry about what would happen to us and what to do - he was more than willing to accomodate my life. Now things aren't just falling into place like they used to, and I am struggling to figure everything out.

I am at a point where there is a clear opportunity to make a life-altering decision... I have an idea of where I want things to go, but... How can I be sure?

should i stay or should i go

2005-03-26T17:40:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week, I received word from A that he would be in town to be with his family while his dad underwent an unexpected and serious heart surgery. When I first heard, my heart immediately went out to him and his entire family. They have been so important to me for 4 1/2 years, and to not be emotional would have been impossible. I still love A as my best friend - and, at this point, still something much more - and would never want him to go through such an ordeal alone. However, I am no longer the same person that I was in A's life, and I had no clue regarding this family's opinion of me, so the role that I was to play in everything was incredibly unclear. That being the case, I figured I'd leave it up to A to let me know if he needed me.

That lasted about a day and a half, until I was so sick from worry that I was practically puking all over my keyboard at work. I finally text-messaged A, to see how things were going, and he called back immediately, on the verge of tears and unable to talk about what was happening. I explained the situation to my boss and headed to the hospital. I was welcomed by the family with open arms, and have been every time I have visited since then. It is apparent that no one knows how to introduce me to the many family friends that have stopped by to express their support - "Hi, this is H... A's friend." It doesn't really bother me, but every time it is strangely surprising to hear those words come out of their mouths.

Things with A's dad are still quite serious, and there have been many bumps along the road. At the moment, things are looking better than they have in a while, and for that I am grateful. The problem I am having is much less critical as A's dad's medical condition, yet it is quite literally tearing me up inside. All week I have attempted to be with A as his best friend - to listen when he needs to vent, to entertain when he's bored, and to hold him during the hard times. It is nearly impossible for me to do all of this without feeling an intense and deep regret for ending our relationship. Even as I type this, I know that our breakup was for a reason and that reason remains unchanged. But I am having a really hard time finding the balance between ex-girlfriend and best friend.

A has told me repeatedly that if I am uncomfortable with being at the hospital, I can feel free to go. He has also said that he would like me around as much as possible, and that my presence there is immeasurably helpful. To be honest, the only time I am uncomfortable is not when I am there with him and his family, but when A and I are left alone in the waiting room and I have to simultanenously comfort and remain emotionally distanced. I don't think, however, that my discomfort is reason enough not to be there when he needs me. I know him better than anyone in the world, and he knows me equally as well. Denying my friendship at such a trying time would be unthinkable.

But when I finally leave the hospital and get back home, my head swirls with feelings and thoughts that just seem too overwhelming to handle - is he not calling me because something terrible has happened? How will I ever get over him? Is he as confused as I am? What am I doing to myself, to him, to us? The questions come at me with such force and speed that I cannot process through them all, and so I'm perpetually in a state of mental exhaustion and angst. Despite my best attempts to hide my anxieties from A, it has unfortunately already come up on several occasions. I know it's not fair to him, that he has other things to deal with and I am the least of his worries. So I am constantly waging a war with my brain: am I hurting A more than I am helping?

Probably. For now, tonight's plan involves staying at home, taking a break from everything and most likely a little bit of feeling-sorry-for-myselfness. But I guess anything could happen if he calls.

weekend snapshot

2005-03-13T19:23:00.000-08:00

back from the dead

2005-03-03T19:08:00.001-08:00

I know it's been a while... To make a long story short, A & I broke up 2 weekends ago, and I haven't felt like blogging. Every time I sit down to type up an entry, my mind knows not where to begin.

So I'm hoping that this discombobulated mess of a post will somehow inspire more witty, insightful and/or entertaining entries in the future.

What have I been doing since our breakup? I have been delirious with joy at having received my new computer. I finally attended that Romantic International fondue class at Central Market. I went to an improv show in Sundance Square. I have been getting used to the complexities of my new job, making mistakes and useful alliances, all at the same time. I was the third wheel at a dinner with my friend and her fiance. Me - a third wheel! I went jewelry shopping and then to see the Splendors of the Forbidden City exhibit at the DMA with my mom. I ate dinner with my family. I have started researching the idea of teaching English in Asia. I have thought about going to business school, but still really don't want to go. I invested in a Roth IRA and incurred the highest credit card bill of my life.

I have also spent time with friends, attended happy hours, gone out to bars... and I haven't really had a whole lot of fun doing any of it. It's not un-fun, it's just seems like all of the things I used to do for fun have lost their meaning. And I don't know how to regain happiness. I'm not depressed. I'm not anything, really, but I do know that I am not emotionally well. Our breakup was quite mutual. There was no screaming, no ill-will, no blaming... it even glimmered ever-so-faintly of hope. I think that's why it will be so difficult for me to get over him. How can I put something so positive and enriching as my time with A behind me? Charlotte says that it takes you 1/2 of the length of your relationship to actually get over it.

If there is any truth to that, I have 2.25 years to go.

This weekend I am slated to make an appearance at a good friend's wedding in Toronto. The plan is to look hot, enjoy myself, and meet some new and exciting boys. What I fear will happen is that the only other wedding guest I know will be so busy being a part of the wedding party that I will just melt into the background and have a terrible time, wondering why I went in the first place. What will probably happen? I will have a fairly good time, get moderately drunk, meet some fun people and then go home feeling the same as I did when I headed to Canada in the first place. Which isn't a bad thing... just odd and unsettling.

On a good note, J is in a similar situation, and may soon be rendering me a visit in Cowtown! I wonder if the cowboys could handle two newly-single women?

rush hour, Texas-style

2005-02-16T20:54:00.000-08:00

Only in Texas would such events inspire my dad to send me the following email:

Traffic this morning on 35 was all backed up. It was caused by some cattle getting loose between Western Center Blvd. & 35. I got off at Western Center and took my short cut through Old Denton Rd. There I saw 2 police cruisers chasing a black calf. He looked like he was spooked because he was running. Then at the Mark IV & Denton Intersection, I saw a white calf chased by two men on horsebacks. The first one was good. He lassoed the calf with the first try. The second one was not so lucky. While everyone in the traffic was watching, the two guys got down from their horses and wrestled the calf down to the ground. It was better than watching a rodeo. Wish I took some pictures to show you guys. It was MBA!!

Editor's note #1: MBA = Major Bad Ass
Editor's note #2: I WORK AT THE INTERSECTION OF WESTERN CENTER & 35.

poor judgement

2005-02-13T20:47:00.000-08:00

So tomorrow is Valentines' Day. Before I met A, it was never really a big day for me. I would write sweet nothings to my girlfriends and perhaps send them a secret Valentine - to be delivered to them in class, of course. Then I met A, and it still didn't seem like a big deal - it was a day of extra obligatory romance, to be sure, but we both knew that we were lucky enough to be able to celebrate in similar fashion any other day of the week if the spirit so moved us... But now that we are in the midst of a month-long sabbatical from our relationship and we "can't" see - or even speak - to each other, February 14th seems to have taken on an entirely new meaning, and I will really miss having the traditional V-day date.

This past week, I contemplated driving the 3 hours to Austin to visit him. It would have been going against the fundamental rules of the break, but I thought it would have been worth it, and I doubt A would have complained. I knew I should probably heed the advice of those of you recommending a continuation of the break, but... it's funny how love does crazy things to you. So the plan was - tentatively - to head out Saturday morning.

But then Friday night happened. I am almost certain that it was fate, as the chances of me enjoying what I believed would be a blissfully perfect pre-V-day weekend were pretty slim. After work on Friday, I went out for a happy hour held at the local BBQ joint in honor of me leaving my old group. (In my book, a free happy hour is always a good thing.) I then proceeded to drink and be merry until 3 am, consequently earning myself my Very First Hangover, complete with all the cranial agony and porcelain-hugging I could handle. When the hell did I lose my tolerance?

So after spending a rainy Saturday recovering from a night of less-than-perfect decision-making, I spent today enjoying the lovely 75 degree, sunshiny weather. Despite my complaints about sucky Texas winters, it sure is nice to be able to wear a t-shirt & shorts in the middle of February! The forecast for Valentines' day? The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Adminstration predicts:

Monday: Sunny, with a high near 80. West wind 5 to 10 mph becoming south.

At least Mother Nature is giving us Texas singletons a break.