tidal wave of relief

Since being accepted to the McCombs School of Business, I have spent a significant amount of time relecting on the two years of academia that now lay ahead of me. Until now, I have always felt that I have somehow had everyone fooled. When you think about it, I really fooled Tufts twice - once as a high school senior and then as a freshman transfer student. After being accepted for the second time, one of my first thoughts was, Man, I can't believe they fell for it again. Both times I knew I was a qualified student, but I also knew that there were plenty more out there. This is even more evident to me now, as I am continually interviewing prospective Tufts students that are ultimately rejected, despite that most are more qualified than I ever was at their age.

With graduation looming on the horizon, I started searching for a job. When I was offered a position working for one of the largest transportation companies in the country, I was even more surprised. What would a computer science major have to offer a marketing department?? They must be hard-up for diverse employees, I supposed.

Regardless of the vast number of accomplishments and qualifications that I can now list on my resume, I have always felt that I was somehow sneaking through the system, that my success was, to some degree, unearned. These days, I think this may be a symptom of not having any particular passion for what I do. As hot husband Tom said on the most recent episode of Desperate Housewives, "No one can give 100% all the time." And if I don't feel like I'm giving something my all, I don't feel as deserving when the kudos come rolling my way.

However. I was accepted to business school. Not only that, but I was accepted to one of the best business programs in the country. Only this time, for the first time in a while, I am proud to know that I deserve that acceptance letter. I know what I want, I have a clear goal in mind, and I understand the steps I need to take in order to reach it. And it is incredibly rewarding to have been able to convey that message well enough for an entire admissions committee to agree.

Tonight, after logging into my Gmail account and learning that I have earned a substantial two-year scholarship, I cannot hope for further evidence that I have made the right decision.

Unless, of course, that evidence happens to include more free money.